The Zoo over Ambuscade Street

I don't want responsibility over anyone but me. I don't want authority. I don't want promotions, or "face time," or a fast-track to success. I don't want it.

But I have it, and all the stress that comes with it. My work responsibilities quadrupled this week, in the worst possible way I could imagine. Not only am I taking over a huge project I am not qualified to direct (I. Am. Not. An. Engineer.), but it was given to me because we have to loose two of our contractors, and one of them is one of the few people I really respect on this base. Yea, I get to take over from him.

To make this even messier, he doesn't know this yet. Watching Tom pump him for information in our group meeting today made me sick. It feels repulsive, this backhanded manuvering. It feels unethical, and it is by my personal ethical standards. I believe very strongly in being direct and upfront - I don't sneak, and I don't hide things. But at the same time it's not my place to make these decisions - they were made and put into action long before I ever heard about them.

All I want is to do my job, get a paycheck, and come home where I can do the things that matter to me. Now I have a huge responsibility that I don't think I can handle. And no real say in the matter. And the one person I might have been able to use as a resource if I had been placed in charge of this three months ago is being sent to another position where I won't have access to him.

I feel overwhelmed. I feel dirty, and sad, and helpless.

Today is out to get me. This is becoming more and more obvious as the day progresses.

The government needs to drastically reduce the amount of paperwork needed to get things done. I apparently missed one key sheet when I filled out the paperwork for the travel/training I went on in December - "key" in this case meaning the one that actually gets me the $1200 or whatever outrageous sum the hotel/car/food/parking ended up being for the week. Oy.

And I may have to go to Arlington on Tuesday. And Monday is a holiday (but that's a good thing, right?).

I have a bottle of Mount Hope Holiday Wine that I think has my name on it. Heat it up, throw in a good movie, and pretend work doesn't exist. That sounds like a plan.

Look! Pretty!

Maybe today isn't so bad after all. And maybe I'm just a raging geek.

How does one go about warming wine, anyway, when one lacks a handy wine heater carafe?

[EDIT] The light....it's so beautiful....

And fast. Moz 1.6 is striking me as very, very fast. I had to reinstall PrefBar (why isn't this installed by default?), but that's not a big deal.

Wait...have to test something.....

WAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN REARRANGE BOOKMARKS BY DRAGGING AND DROPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Monday is a Holiday. Provided Erik isn't being a bum, this weekend is going to be a-ok.

[EDIT2] I am amused